Date rapes typically occur when a woman is alone with a man. If you go to a man's room or apartment or even get into his car alone, you are vulnerable to rape. Date rapes can also occur when others are relatively close by; for example, they can take place in an upstairs bedroom while fifty people are attending a party on the first floor and no one hears screams of rape victim.
Although acquaintance rape if often a spontaneous act, many are planned, some days in advance, others in the preceding hour. Some men plan to have sex with a woman even if they have to force the issue. Such a man may have forced sex before and gotten away with it. He usually looks for victims who are unassertive; perhaps someone who is not very popular and would be flattered to go on a date with him. Needless to say, these men do not see themselves as repeat rapists; they are merely "out to have a good time."
Alcohol and drugs are sometimes a significant factor in date rape. Many victims say later that they drank too much alcohol or took too many drugs to realize what was going on; by the time they realized their predicament, it was too late. Sometimes a woman passes out and awakens to find a man having sex with her. On the other hand, some date rapes occur when alcohol is not involved or when the victim has had little or nothing to drink but the man has been drinking and becomes sexually aggressive.
Mixed signals are another element in date rape. The woman acts in a friendly manner; the man interprets this friendliness as an invitation to have sex. "No" is heard as "maybe" and even a strong protest can be ignored under the delusion that women say "no" when they mean "yes." Some men find it sexually exciting to have a woman struggle. If the woman protests only mildly, the man may think he is merely "persuading" her, not forcing her to have sex. He may think the same, however, even if she protests vigorously. Sometimes a woman is not clear in her own mind about what she wants or she may think she will make up her mind as she goes along. If she changes her mind at some point and decides not to have sex, the man can feel cheated, rejected, and angry. He may be interpreting her nonverbal messages, such as her enjoyment of kissing and caressing, as meaning that she wants to have sex with him. At this point he may decide he has been teased or misled and "deserves" to get some satisfaction, regardless of the woman's wishes. The result can be rape.
What are the causes of date rape?
There is no one cause of date rape. Although, there are usually three key elements involved: socialization, miscommunication, and/or changing sexual mores. One major element of date rape is a lack of consideration for a woman's rights and wishes.
In a general sense, traditional male and female roles in society are part of the problem. Men are taught at a very early age to be aggressors. They participate in aggressive team sports, are encouraged to be competitive, not to give up and to keep on trying. They are encouraged to have strong sexual feelings and to experiment with their sexual satisfaction as a part of their masculinity. This environment which encourages men to be competitive and get what they want often leads to a belief in the "right to have sex." Women on the other hand are socialized to be more passive, dependent, to be peacemakers, to avoid scenes, and to be "lady-like." They are discouraged from experimenting with their sexuality: "Good girls don't fool around." This double standard allows men to have sexual feelings and act on them; in contrast, a woman is allowed to be sexual primarily when she becomes "carried away" with emotion.
Communication between men and women is often problematic, especially in the realm of sex. In a first sexual encounter with someone, some women may say "no" when they mean "maybe" or even "yes," and men have been taught to try to turn that no/maybe into a yes. Thus, it is sometimes hard for men to know when "no" really does mean "no." Women, on the other hand, don't want to agree to sex too readily for fear they will be seen as "loose" or "easy." Misperceptions abound; a woman thinks she is merely being friendly, but her date thinks she's signaling willlingness to have sex. Furthermore, stereotypes about women as passive and submissive can foster a climate for sexual assaults.
The last few decades have seen a general change in sexual standards. With the advent of the birth control pill, many people are sexually active in high school and college. Thus, many college-age men may expect sex as a given after they have gone out with someone a few times. Sometimes the woman shares this expectation, but sometimes she does not.
A man may believe he is entitled to sex when he has spent money on a date. Anothers may believe that if a woman is sexually active, she will willingly have sex with anyone, including him. The AIDS epidemic has definitely had an impact on sexual relations; however, it has not changed the power imbalance between men and women.
Acquaintance rape is not a crime of passion, or merely a result of miscommunication. It is often an attempt to assert power and anger. Some men are sexually aggressive because they are basically insecure.
Forcing sex on another person makes them feel strong because it makes someone else feel weak. Rape is violence against a woman. It is an issue that strikes at the heart of the personal relationship between a man and a woman, how they treat each other, and how they respect each other's wishes. People who respect others do not coerce others to do things they do not want to do.
Note: Men can be victims of rape and have the same rights to counseling and legal action as women do. :)
Situations that might lead to date rape.
You can't always avoid date rape. Nevertheless, there are some things you can do to minimize your chances of being raped.
Examine your feelings about rape. Many women have been socialized to believe that sex means that they will be swept away with the emotion of the moment or that they can "make out" and then decide whether to say "yes" or "no" to sex later. The problem with this kind of thinking is that it gives too much control to the other person.
Decide early if you would like to have sex. The sooner you communicate firmly and clearly your sexual intentions, the easier it will be for your partner to hear and accept your decision.
You can be raped because you were too polite to get out of a dangerous situation.
For example, attending or staying late at parties where men greatly outnumber women. Situations where there are few women around can quickly can out of hand.
Trust your gut-level feelings. If you feel you are being pressured, you probably are.
Alcohol and drugs are often related to acquaintance rape. They compromise your ability to make responsible decisions. If you choose to drink alcohol, drink responsibly. Be able to get yourself home and do not rely on others to "take care" of you.
When you invite someone to your home or you are invited to his home. These are the most likely places where acquaintance rapes occur.
Men who rape.
A nice, normal man can turn into a date rapist. However, there are some men who are more likely to be sexually aggressive than others.
Men who do not listen to you, ignore what you say, talk over you or pretend not to hear you (women are meat to fuck, pussy is not an object to talk with).
Men who ignore your personal space boundaries (men want only to fuck your cunt, not important consensual or by forse, because of that they ignore).
Men who express anger or aggression towards women as individuals or in general. Hostile feelings can easily be translated into hostile acts. Such men often get hostile when a woman says "no."
Men who do what they want regardless of what you want. (We don't care what sluts want).
Men who act excessively jealous or possessive, who thinks about women only like "women are meant to serve men".
